For Ugly Guys Only (FUGO)

January 7, 2017

 
         The fine boy-celebrity, Tall, Dark and Handsome guy days are over for the stereotyped Mr. Perfect who goes by the name, Brad, Bryan or Brandon. Why these Bs, anyways? Well, welcome to the era of the uncelebrated, short, dark (charcoal black, not ebony), and ugly boys.
         I did not wait patiently for this ugly to fine evolution, but I waited. And it did not even take too long before submissions were made and ideologies changed to suit immediate needs of the ladies of nowadays.
         Today the ladies have woken up to a realization that the “Fine-boy” cliché mentality does not pay the bills. It can take you as far as Sheraton, but it doesn’t get you into a room. Or to better simply put it; it can take you to the common street side Bouka, but Mama Iyabo cannot use Brad’s face to sell Amala.
         This quickly brings Inalegwu into the scene. Ina… (As they now call him for short to make the name sound nice and appealing), is nowhere near an Ok guy, let alone handsome. In fact, he is only as fine as the cripple in the movie 300. But the bakery where his ‘Bread’ is coming out of is one bakery that manufactures its own flours and even distributes to other bakeries.
         Ina…is filthy rich, so literally, his money stinks. Now, unlike the situation where the ladies date Brad for his looks and use Ina to pay the bills, Ina has grown to know now, and Brad now kina wrinkles (maybe he now keeps his Moustache and looks like Samanja), so not so fine girl, Nikki (Nneka for long) now needs an Orlando Bloom and not a Gerard Butler.

QUICK NOTE: If you are not handsome, be Intelligent. If you are not intelligent, have some good money. If you are neither Handsome and Intelligent nor Rich, you might just wanna kill yourself…
         The question is, who determines what is beautiful, handsome or ugly? The so-called ugly men today are turning clean and eventually handsome because money makes you look really good even when you can’t spell the word-good. Money can clean and reconfigure the facial settings of individuals to give a perfect makeover.
         So Ina has emailed all his looks alike to freely accept the tag “Ugly”, as nowadays, that gives you the finest ladies money can attract. Ooops! I meant the finest ladies money can buy.
         I recently discovered that ladies are editing their shopping lists from Handsome to God-fearing, from Tall to Average, from Dark to Albino (seriously?), and finally adding something new- from Well to do to World Bank. But they put that mildly like this; “A man who has prospects…” (The ellipsis is something they won’t ever include. It is “… of becoming a money machine”!
 
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